Pierogi Press No. 10: Brian Dewan, 3 Poems

Sophisticated Weapons
Brian Dewan


The weapon of the future is the weapon of today

Weapons more sophisticated than antique guns or crude bombs

Ray guns and laser beams
replace old-fashioned knives and guns
but guns will still be used for ceremonial purposes

The Irritron will emit headache producing tones above the threshold of
hearing, and low-frequency bursts once every minute like water torture

Water torture, though ancient, will come back into use because it works, is
inexpensive and garners no sympathy from the public for the subject
Mass-produced molded-plastic equipment for this practice, re-dubbed
“watering,” will be a commonplace sight and available to consumers at low cost

The “candy apple” will bring down economies
Thousands of cases of them will be distributed through a population
They are poisonous, and difficult to distinguish from ordinary candy apples
No one will risk eating a poison one, they’ll stop eating them altogether
The candy apple business collapses, hurting the orchards that supply them
The groves are abandoned, the land is worthless
Until one by one every interdependent business goes extinct
because of a deadly apple on a stick

The Car will be used as a deadly weapon; cars driving into people on the
sidewalk and in crosswalks daily. Sometimes drivers synchronized by a
station they can pick up on their car radios will obey broadcast orders to
drive into people, buildings, or blockade the highways. Cars will be banned,
the population will be demoralized by not being allowed to drive their cars
They they will be required to turn in their cars to be destroyed, and
they’ll overthrow their government for taking away their cars

The Soprano will have a wide stance and a big mouth
She could destroy a couple of hundred soldiers with one note
hammer-drilling at the atomic level, dismantling matter

Inane television shows will be aired to erode the competence and will power
of a nation, reducing them to livestock herded through corrals at fast feed franchises

Insurance, to maintain perpetual poverty

Doctors, to inflict the weapon of criminal negligence upon the body

And ball bearings, all over the place so that it’s hard to walk anywhere
without stepping on them



Visitor Control
Brian Dewan


All authorized personnel must display pass

All visitors must report to visitor control

Ramp 7

Fourth floor

Please use other door

Rest room key at front desk

In case of fire
Break glass

No coffee grounds in the drinking fountain

Turn right

and then left

and then right

and right again

and then left

Sorry for the inconvenience
Prayer room closed
Use alternate prayer room at 6H-138



Doing Nothing
Brian Dewan


hiding under the table
under the sofa
the pussy willows
dust bunnies
that look, the idiot glare
or blunt quietude
clothes like bags, hanging or pinching
what are you doing

no one says a word, they look to one side of you and do nothing, which is
doing nothing and saying nothing

under the table
being imbeciles
it’s not polite to call people imbeciles, we call them fools
it’s no longer polite to call them fools, we call them handicapped
it’s no longer polite to call them handicapped, we call them exceptional
it’s no longer socially acceptable to say exceptional, now we say gifted
there’s nothing wrong with being retarded
that’s why they’re huddled under the table behind the table cloth
instead of taking advantage of their friends
or scheming how to oust leaders
unhappy brainiacs destroy themselves and others
wish they could be fools
they won’t be
so they destroy themselves

they’d rather die unhappy
rather than live fools